


Spitting Venom

by Deadlihood



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, Mild Internalized Homophobia, Minor Markson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9047864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadlihood/pseuds/Deadlihood
Summary: In which Jinyoung just wants to be the cool older cousin and ends up down the rabbit hole.





	1. Chapter 1

“Youngjae, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Jinyoung asked, leaning over the lunch table.

“Hyung, trust me, it’ll be fine.” Youngjae assured him. “Everyone I’ve talked to about it has said it’s totally safe.”

“I don’t know how totally safe an underground rave thing can be.” Jinyoung sighed. “Kunpimook is my baby cousin, I can’t just throw him to the wolves.”

“You won’t be. Both of us will be there, everything will be fine.”

Jinyoung leveled a careful stare at Youngjae. He’d never known the younger boy to be impulsive, or stupid for that matter. And he did want to take Kunpimook somewhere fun, show that he was still the cool older cousin from when they were younger. It was just hard to think about sneaking out, and taking his baby cousin with him.

“How are you getting out of your house?” Jinyoung asked finally.

“Dad’s out of town, and you know my mom sleeps like the dead.” Youngjae shrugged. “Shouldn’t be hard to get out once she goes to bed.”

Jinyoung sighed, thinking of the probability of getting out of his house without his parents noticing. It didn’t seem very likely, but he would try it anyway. If nothing else, he could try to pretend that Kunpimook was sleepwalking again, like he had when he was younger.

“So is that a yes?” Youngjae prompted when Jinyoung had been silent too long.

“Yeah, I guess.” His parents were going to kill him if they got caught, and then his aunt and uncle would fly in from Thailand to kill him again. “What are you supposed to wear to an underground rave?”

“I don’t know. Black?”

Jinyoung didn’t find it any easier to get dressed once he was home. Kunpimook was up for the adventure, even though he seemed a little nervous. He was only 16, sneaking out with his cousin in his first week in the country. It occurred to Jinyoung then that if they got caught, Kunpimook might have to go back to Thailand. It turned his stomach to think about it. Better just to not, he figured. If he was going to show him a good time, he needed to stop being such a good kid and just go.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he still looked like the clean cut rich kid he was: black turtleneck, nice black pants and the expensive boots his parents had bought him for his last birthday. Kunpimook looked a little more ready for an underground rave, if only because he happened to have a pair of old black jeans with holes in the knees, and a black hoodie to go over the top.

“Ready?” Kunpimook whispered, hands twitching at his sides. Jinyoung swallowed hard around the lump of nerves in his throat and they crept down the stairs towards the back door. Jinyoung’s fingers nearly slipped on the keypad as he disarmed the alarm system so they could get back in without setting it off. Kunpimook was practically vibrating with nerves behind him.

Once they were outside, they jogged down the street to where Youngjae was waiting for them. Apparently the rave wasn’t that far away and they could walk. The night was cool and the breeze ruffled Jinyoung’s hair. His heart was still hammering away in his chest, but the farther they got away from the house without his phone ringing, the better he felt.

Kunpimook felt especially small as they walked into the crush of bodies. He’d always been on the short side, and slender to boot, but everyone seemed to tower over him here. Jinyoung kept a protective hand on his cousin’s shoulder as they wove through the mass of bodies. It was a little overwhelming, if he was honest. The air was thick with smoke, the music pounded in his chest, and the swaying bodies were everywhere. Not for the first time that night, he wanted to kick himself for agreeing to come to this. What was Youngjae thinking?

Jinyoung was about ready to haul Youngjae and Kunpimook out of there when they came to a clearing in the crowd. It looked like a small dance floor had been set up for performances. The crowd parted on their right and Jinyoung barely had time to yank Kunpimook out of the way before two boys flipped onto the dance floor, one of them nearly clipping Kunpimook in the head.

The two dancers were good, even Jinyoung had to admit that, though hip-hop wasn’t really his style. One dancer was broader than the other, his black hair slicked back under his backwards hat. Earrings ran up each ear, and a silver ring shone on the left side of his lip. The other dancer, taller but thinner, had fluffy red hair that was falling in his eyes.

Red ran almost straight into Jinyoung and Kunpimook, doing a backflip at the last possible moment. The back handspring took him over Pierced, who then did some kind of one-handed hand stand. Clearly they were well-known among the rest of them, because the crowd was going nuts.

When the song ended, the crowd surged towards the floor, and Jinyoung lost his grip on Kunpimook. Within seconds, his baby cousin had disappeared from sight.

“Kunpimook!” Jinyoung yelled, searching for his cousin’s head in the crowd. “Kunpimook!” He was gone, and he didn’t have a Korean phone yet. Jinyoung cursed himself for thinking this was a good idea and bringing his cousin here. He’d be lucky if his cousin wasn’t getting drugged in some back room and robbed. Youngjae and Jinyoung separated to look for him.

In his panic, Jinyoung slammed straight into someone and nearly fell on his ass. A tattooed hand reached down and pulled him up.

“You okay dude?” Pierced asked, dark eyes studying him curiously.

“No, I lost my baby cousin.” Jinyoung blurted. “He doesn’t have a Korean phone and I have to _find him-_ ”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down. We’ll find him.” Pierced smiled, his lip ring twitching as he did. “What’s your name?”

“Jinyoung.”

“I’m Jaebum. Now, Jinyoung, we’re gonna find your cousin. What does he look like?”

“About this high, black hair, kinda skinny. His name is Kunpimook.” As soon as Jinyoung had rattled it off, Jaebum grabbed two or three people and relayed the information, increasing the search party. Jaebum led Jinyoung through the crowd with a hand on the back of his neck, which was oddly calming. It decreased his terror at losing his little cousin at an underground rave, just a hair.

Someone popped out of the crowd and grabbed Jaebum’s arm, pulling both of them to a stop. “The kid you were looking for is with Gyeomie.”

“Oh, fucking great.” Jaebum muttered. “All right, thanks.”

“What’s the matter? Who is Gyeomie?” Jinyoung demanded.

“My dance partner. Your cousin isn’t of age, is he?”

Jinyoung visibly blanched. “Where is my cousin?”

Rather than verbally explain, Jaebum led him to one of the walls, following it until they nearly tripped over Kunpimook. He was sprawled out on the ground next to Red, who was passing him a red cup filled with something that Jinyoung was sure was not water.

“Kunpimook!” Jinyoung dropped to his knees, immediately inspecting his cousin for any injuries. Aside from the fact that he looked a little dazed, he seemed unhurt. “Jesus, you scared me.”

“I’m okay.” Kunpimook smiled, scrunching up both of his eyes as he did. “Yugyeom sat with me.” Red waved, a slight smile on his face. Jinyoung managed a tight smile for him, even as he wanted to punch him in the face.

“Thank God. I’m going to text Youngjae and then we’re going to go home, okay?”

“Why not stay?” Jaebum asked, slouching next to Yugyeom and taking a sip of the clear liquid.

“I just nearly lost my cousin.” Jinyoung said from between gritted teeth.

“And now you found him, and he’s fine.” Jaebum shrugged. “Your call.”

“Can we stay?” Kunpimook asked, giving him the same puppy dog eyes that used to get him when they were kids. Jinyoung felt his resolve falter slightly, even as he texted Youngjae where they were. The red cup made its way to Jinyoung’s hand and he wrinkled his nose at the smell. Soju. Of course.

“You just gonna hold it or are you going to drink it?” Yugyeom asked, one arm lazily draped over Kunpimook’s narrow shoulders.

“How old are you?” Jinyoung demanded.

“16.” Yugyeom clicked what sounded like a tongue piercing against his teeth.

“16 and a handful.” Jaebum said, rolling his eyes. “Here, I’ll take it.” Jinyoung passed the cup back and it stayed firmly in Jaebum’s grip. Youngjae finally arrived, sweating, panting, and with a glow stick necklace hanging around his neck.

“I went through the dance floor.” Youngjae said as explanation, dropping to sit next to Jinyoung. “Everything cool?”

“Yeah. We’re going to stay for a little while longer.” Jinyoung wanted to shoot himself for saying it. But Kunpimook looked happy, and he was chattering away with Yugyeom, and he was a sucker for those puppy dog eyes.

Youngjae also declined the soju and they just people watched for a while, until Jaebum came to sit across from them, long legs pulled up to his chest so he could fit in the gap.

“So, I take it this is your first time here.” Jaebum said, the lip ring quirking up. God, Jinyoung couldn’t stop staring at the stupid thing.

“What gave us away?” Jinyoung managed to say drily.

“First of all, you don’t come here without a phone. Second of all, both of you look a little too…clean.”

“And he doesn’t?” Youngjae hooked his thumb over at Kunpimook.

“He’s got a little grit in him.” Jaebum’s eyes traveled over Jinyoung slowly, making Jinyoung want to curl up. “You two, you’re scrubbed.”

“So we’re not good enough to be here?” Jinyoung snapped.

“I didn’t say that at all. Just you need a little dirt rubbed on ya.” Jaebum leaned back on his hands. “Gyeomie! I’m hungry!”

“So go get food.” Yugyeom shot back. Jaebum glared at him and Yugyeom sighed. “Fine. You guys hungry?”

Jinyoung was going to say no, but Kunpimook had already said yes, and then killed him with the puppy eyes again.

“Dude, you have no willpower.” Youngjae muttered to him as they were leaving.

“I didn’t hear you saying anything either.” Jinyoung grumbled back.

“He’s not my cousin.” Youngjae shrugged. “Besides, it’s still early enough that we can get some food.”

Jinyoung wasn’t happy about it, but they went anyway. It was some cheap all night pizza joint; Jinyoung had a feeling the grease smell would cling to them when they left. They dragged a chair over for Jaebum so they could fit comfortably into the booth. Jaebum’s broad shoulders didn’t make for squeezing in close together. Neither did his long legs, stretched under Jinyoung’s.

Kunpimook and Yugyeom were still talking to each other, leaving the older boys to eat their pizza and try to find something in common. There weren’t many topics they could hold. Jinyoung was happier than he should have been to tell Kunpimook it was time to go home. But before they got two steps away from the booth, Yugyeom had jogged up and stuffed a piece of paper into Kunpimook’s hand.

“For when you get a Korean phone. I’ll show you around.” He said.

“Thanks! See you around.” Kunpimook let Jinyoung lead him outside; when he glanced back, Yugyeom stuck his tongue out at him, revealing the silver piercing that had been clicking against his teeth. Jinyoung really wished he could go back and hit him.

They parted ways with Youngjae in the dusky blue of the early morning. Kunpimook was yawning already and Jinyoung ached for his bed. Still, he had to check to make sure the alarm system hadn’t been reactivated while they were gone. Once he had made sure they were still good, they tiptoed back upstairs, shoes in hand.

Jinyoung was about to disappear into his room when Kunpimook threw his arms around him and hugged him.

“Thank you, Jinyoung. I had a really good time.” He mumbled into his chest. “Good night.”

“Good night.” Jinyoung said faintly, watching his cousin skip off to his room. He decided it was better to try to think of all the things he had messed up in the morning, and collapsed face first into bed.

\--

Jinyoung woke up the next morning with a splitting headache forming behind his left eye and a stomach full of regret. He rolled onto his back, eyes shut tight against the light coming through the window, and tried to think of exactly where he’d lost his mind the night before. It had to have been when he’d agreed to go to that stupid rave with Youngjae, and to take Kunpimook with him. Everything after that had basically been a disaster. Especially if Kunpimook was going to be hanging out with that Yugyeom kid. He didn’t trust him at all.

There was a tap at the door and Jinyoung resisted the urge to yell. “Yes?” He said, pulling a pillow over his face.

“What are you still doing in bed?” His mother asked. The soft click of her high heels on the hardwood floors told him she was just stopping in before she went to work. Apparently editors didn’t take a weekend like everyone else.

“I couldn’t sleep last night. I’ve got a headache.” Jinyoung said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“Come on Junior, let’s get you something for that.”

Jinyoung bristled at the nickname. There was nothing he hated more than being called Junior. His father may have been named Jinyoung too, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t call him something else. He would have rather been called Spot than Junior. Still, he got out of bed and followed his mother down the stairs to the kitchen. Their housekeeper was already bustling around the kitchen, and Kunpimook was sitting at the kitchen table, stirring his cereal with his spoon idly.

“Soojung? Could you please get Junior some breakfast and some painkillers?” His mother said, picking up her purse and keys from the side board.

“Yes, Mrs. Park-ssi.” Soojung dried her hands on her apron and turned to the stove. “Junior-ssi, what would you like for breakfast?”

Satisfied that her son was being taken care of, his mother left the house. Jinyoung knew his father must have already gone to the office by this time.

“Just some toast, noona.” Jinyoung would never have referred to her like that if his parents had been around. But Soojung had been with their family for years and she took good care of Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung.” Soojung put her hands on her hips. “Are you sick?”

“Just a headache.”

“Then you need to eat more than some toast. Come on, I’ll make you some rice.” She gave him a glass of water to start with while she started making the rice.

“Noona? I thought we didn’t use honorifics with her.” Kunpimook asked Jinyoung softly.

“We don’t, not in front of my parents. But Soojung is family, at least to me. So when we’re alone, I call her noona. Don’t let my parents catch you saying that.”

Kunpimook nodded, digesting this information. “Am I supposed to call you hyung?”

“I’m older than you, so yes.” Jinyoung patted his hand. “It’ll be all right. You’ll get the patterns right soon.”

Kunpimook muttered something in Thai that Jinyoung guessed was a curse. He turned to Soojung. “Thank you for the cereal, noona.”  He brought the empty bowl to her at the sink.

“No problem.” Soojung glanced over at him. “I have trouble with your name. Can we give you a nickname?”

“What did you have in mind?”

Soojung’s eye fell on the box of Cocoa Pebbles she’d served for Kunpimook. “BamBam.”

Jinyoung started laughing at the table, trying to hide his face behind his hands. Kunpimook looked confused. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s a Flintstones character. Soojung just named you after a cartoon.” Jinyoung explained between giggles.

“BamBam.” Kunpimook tested it out on his tongue. “I like it. BamBam it is.”

“Then that’s what I’ll call you. And you call me noona. I want you to feel like I’m your big sister.” Soojung smiled fondly at the Thai boy. She hadn’t known him long, but she was already attached to him the way she was attached to Jinyoung. She would have left the Park household long ago if it weren’t for Jinyoung.

Soojung brought Jinyoung the fried rice at the table while BamBam, as Jinyoung supposed he should call him, went upstairs to take a shower. Jinyoung ate it and swallowed the painkillers down obediently, thinking that a hot shower and some fresh air would help with his headache.

The hot spray hitting his hair brought out the smell of fog machine and cigarette smoke, reminding Jinyoung just where he’d been the night before. It might as well have been an alternate reality; there was no other explanation for what he had allowed. Hanging out with pierced dancers wasn’t exactly his usual activity, let alone letting his baby cousin cuddle up with one of them. He froze halfway through shampooing his hair clean: did Yugyeom have some kind of sexual interest in BamBam? He thought he might actually lose his mind if Yugyeom tried to hurt his cousin in some way.

Then Jinyoung remembered Jaebum, and the almost paternal way he looked at Yugyeom. Jaebum seemed like the kind of guy who would recognize that that was a bad idea and keep Yugyeom in line. It made him feel marginally better as he rinsed off.

Once he was dried off and dressed, Jinyoung found the book he was reading for his literature class and his sunglasses, and padded downstairs to go sit by the pool. It was sunny but not too hot, the perfect outdoor reading weather. He was sure if his parents were home, they’d be losing their minds about Jinyoung sitting out in the sun like that. They’d been trying to keep him pale his whole life, but with BamBam and his tan skintone around, he was sure he could get a little darker without them noticing.

BamBam appeared after about an hour and stretched out like a cat on the deck chair next to him. He was watching Jinyoung read his book while gnawing on his lip like he had something to say.

“Spit it out, BamBam.” Jinyoung said finally, closing his book. BamBam smiled at the use of his new nickname.

“I wanted to go get a phone today.” He explained.

“So you can text Yugyeom?”

“He was nice. He found me wandering around and told me to just sit by the wall and that you’d find me eventually. And he’s the first friend I have, other than you.”

Jinyoung felt like a total jerk. “Okay. I’ll tell Soojung we’re leaving and then we’ll go.”

“Yay! Thank you, hyung!” BamBam hugged him before dashing back inside. Jinyoung went to get his wallet and keys and to tell Soojung they were leaving, so she could tell his parents where they’d gone if they came home and wondered where they were. It was unlikely, but he wanted to cover his bases. Maybe they’d be more concerned because BamBam was under their care for as long as he was in Korea.

Jinyoung decided that wasn’t a good train of thought, and fiddled with the radio controls as he waited for BamBam to come downstairs. Brooding while he was driving would be a bad idea.

He’d managed to smooth his face out and was tapping his left foot in time to the music when BamBam got into the car and immediately asked, “what’s wrong?”

Jinyoung just stared at him wide-eyed. “Nothing. Why?”

“You’re still a terrible liar, Jinyoung.” BamBam put his seatbelt on and settled back into the leather seat.

“That’s Jinyoung-hyung to you.” Under his breath, he muttered, “brat.”

“Forgive me for being concerned about you, then.” BamBam stared out the window sullenly as Jinyoung turned the corner to go out the front gate. Technically they lived in a gated community, but there were ways in and out if you knew where to look. Jinyoung and Youngjae had had plenty of time to figure out the sneaky exits, even if they only used them when they were kids trying to chase the ice cream truck.

The ride to the nearest Apple store was silent except for the radio. BamBam was still sulking and Jinyoung was wondering if the kid had some kind of mind reading powers, or he was just very perceptive.

Getting BamBam a phone was like pulling teeth. He had no attention span whatsoever and kept flitting from phone to phone, playing with each for a few minutes before moving on. Jinyoung felt like the harried nanny of a kid who’d just learned to walk. Finally he managed to catch up to him long enough to get a hold of his shoulder.

“Kunpimook, do you just want a phone like mine?” Jinyoung asked, showing him the model he had.

BamBam’s mouth creased into a flat line. “I want to pick.” Something about the tone of his voice told Jinyoung that he hadn’t had the opportunity to pick out a phone before. He resigned himself to a long visit to the store and found a place to sit, where he could still keep an eye on his cousin.

Finally, finally, BamBam picked out a phone and scampered up to the salesperson to pay for it and get it activated. At one point, he broke into excited Thai and Jinyoung had to nudge him and make him switch back to Korean. The salesperson looked at him like he was an alien. Jinyoung certainly didn’t remember being that excitable at sixteen.

Jinyoung checked his phone as they left the store; he still had an hour or so left on the parking meter. “Do you want to get something to eat?” He gestured across the street to a teahouse he and Youngjae went to after school to study sometimes.

“Sure.” As they waited to cross the street, BamBam switched phones with him, carefully typing in his new number so Jinyoung would have it. Jinyoung pretended that he didn’t see BamBam pulling a scrap of paper out of his pocket and entering the number into his phone. Jinyoung ordered tea and some snacks for them, leaving BamBam to furiously text at the table.

“What did you order?” BamBam asked, putting his phone away when Jinyoung came back.

“It’s a surprise.” Jinyoung grinned, enjoying the way BamBam pouted at him. “Come on, can’t your hyung give you a surprise?”

“Is there a word for someone younger than you?”

“Dongsaeng. You’re my dongsaeng, and Soojung-noona’s.”

“Dongsaeng.” BamBam tried the weight of it on his tongue. He spoke Korean fairly well, but it was academic, clinical. The honorifics and the slang weren’t the best.

The pot of tea arrived first and they both breathed in the smell of jasmine tea happily, letting the steam curl up to their noses. BamBam’s eyes lit up like twin suns when he saw the platter on its way to them.

“Gyeongdan?” He said, squirming excitedly in his seat.

“Not just gyeongdan. Try one.” He waited as BamBam took a bite of the rice cake and moaned happily.

“S’mores gyeongdan? I didn’t even know they made these!”

“Surprise.” Jinyoung smiled over the rim of his tea cup. It felt good to do things like this for his cousin, especially after nearly losing him the night before. Jinyoung’s smile faltered slightly at the memory of it.

“You’re doing it again.” BamBam said around a mouthful of rice cake. “What’s wrong?”

“Just thinking about last night. It was stupid and I never should have taken you.”

“Why?”

“I nearly lost you. What if I couldn’t find you? What would I tell your parents?”

“But I was fine! Yugyeom saw me looking for you and got me to sit down and wait for you to find me.” He noticed the way Jinyoung’s mouth twitched at the mention of the young dancer. “I don’t know why you don’t like him. He was really nice to me.”

“I just worry, that’s all.”

“Well you don’t have to worry. I’m sixteen years old and I can take care of myself.”

_Famous last words_ , Jinyoung thought.

\--

Jinyoung sighed, pushing his hair out of his eyes and tried to focus on the book in front of him. He had an exam on Monday and he needed to start getting this information into his brain as soon as possible. The house was quiet; everyone else had gone to bed ages ago. It was just him and his book, suffering in the darkness together.

Jinyoung heard one of the floorboards creak outside his door and frowned, leaning back in his chair to see a shadow dart past his door. Jinyoung got up and followed the shadow to the back door, where the alarm keypad was.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jinyoung demanded, grabbing his cousin by the shoulder. He was fully dressed, his sneakers in his hand.

“Out.” BamBam’s eyes flittered over Jinyoung’s shoulder, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Kunpimook.”

“I’m going to the place we were last week.” He finally admitted.

“By yourself? Are you crazy?”

“Yugyeom’s out by the gate.” BamBam muttered.

Jinyoung briefly considered going upstairs and waking up his parents, if only so they could scold some sense into his little cousin. Then he remembered that if it hadn’t been for him, BamBam would never have met Yugyeom or gone to that underground rave.

“Stay right here. Do not move a muscle.” Jinyoung warned before hurrying back upstairs. He got dressed in the first clothes he could find, stuffed his keys in his pocket, and tiptoed back to his cousin, who thankfully hadn’t moved.

Jinyoung disarmed the alarm and shooed BamBam out in front of him. They jogged across the lawn and towards the gate. A shape moved in the darkness just outside the gate, a hand raised in greeting. Jinyoung shoved his cousin through the gap in the hedges surrounding the gate and pushed himself through afterwards, wincing when the branches snagged at him.

“Hey Bammie.” Yugyeom was saying, hugging his cousin when Jinyoung finally emerged. His eyes fell on Jinyoung and his smile faltered just a little. “Jinyoung, right?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung gestured at BamBam. “Let’s get a move on.” Jinyoung hung back behind the two younger boys, who were talking softly to each other. Yugyeom still had an arm slung over his cousin’s shoulders, comfortable like he belonged there.

Jinyoung was fully prepared to be in a sour mood all night until someone popped up next to him, smiling. “Didn’t think I’d see you here again.” Jaebum said, holding his fist out for Jinyoung to bump.

“I’m chaperoning.” Jinyoung said, jerking his chin at Yugyeom and BamBam, already weaving their way through the crowd.

“Gyeomie’s a good kid. He’s a handful sometimes, but he’s a good kid.”

“He’s got a tongue ring.”

“And three or four tattoos. What’s your point?” Jaebum rolled up his sleeve, revealing the artwork on his forearm.

“I’m protective. And BamBam hasn’t been out much.”

“Well if there’s any place to be out, this is the place for it. No one here bats an eyelash at what they see.” Jaebum gestured at two girls nearby, one with fluorescent orange hair holding her girlfriend up by the thighs as they kissed.

“That’s not what I meant by out! I meant he’s been sheltered his whole life.”

Jaebum just shrugged. “Either way, he’ll be fine here. No one’s gonna let him get hurt, especially if he’s here with Gyeomie.”

“I wish I could believe that.” Jinyoung crossed his arms over his chest, watching BamBam laugh at something Yugyeom had whispered in his ear.

“You need to loosen up, dude.” Jaebum clapped him on the back, almost hard enough to throw him off balance. “Come on. This isn’t good kid world down here.” He led Jinyoung to a table full of bottles of soju and pulled an unopened one out from the back.

“I don’t drink.”

“Just one. Just to get you to relax.” He wheedled, bright eyes tempting him towards the bottle.

“Oh, what the hell.” Jinyoung was just full of bad decisions. He broke the seal on the bottle and drank straight from it, squeezing his eyes against the burn. Jabeum whooped and cheered, before taking a swig of the bottle himself.

“See, not that bad?” Jaebum hooked one arm around Jinyoung’s neck and led him over to the dance floor, where he poured more soju down Jinyoung’s throat and ordered him to dance.

Across the room, Yugyeom and BamBam had collapsed onto one of the raggedy couches, a little out of the way from the crowd. Across from them some people were hitting a bong, which they offered to BamBam and Yugyeom.

Yugyeom glanced at the smaller boy, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I-I’ve never-” BamBam began. Yugyeom smiled, the freckle under his eye nearly disappearing into the folds of his cheeks.

“Just hold still.” He instructed, gesturing for the bong. He caught the lighter with his free hand and lit the bowl, mouth pressed to the glass top. BamBam watched the glass column fill with white smoke, disappearing into Yugyeom’s mouth until he pulled the bowl out and inhaled everything. Mouth still closed, he gestured for BamBam to come closer, and slipped his thumb into BamBam’s mouth to open it. One big hand loosely cupped around his mouth, Yugyeom leaned forward and exhaled, flooding BamBam’s mouth with smoke. Instinctively he inhaled and promptly coughed it all out. Yugyeom still smiled at him in that oddly gentle and predatory way he had.

“We’ll get you used to that.” He said, relighting the bowl to take another hit for himself. The bong disappeared after that and BamBam leaned back against the couch, feeling his head get lighter and lighter.

“Mm, I think some of that took.” Yugyeom murmured, running his hand over the top of BamBam’s head. “How do you feel, Bammie?”

“Light. And heavy.” His limbs felt like he was glued down to the couch.

“Baby’s first high.” Yugyeom laughed, pulling BamBam to lean against his shoulder. “It’ll wear off soon enough.”

Someone came and sat on Yugyeom’s other side and he turned his head to talk to them, even as his hand continued to pass over BamBam’s hair gently. BamBam’s stomach felt weird, not like he was going to throw up, but like something squiggly was moving around in there. He giggled softly at the thought of a snake wriggling around in his belly, like he’d had a whole bottle of the snake wine he and his friends used to gawp at in Thailand.

“What’s so funny, little one?” Yugyeom murmured, face oddly close to BamBam’s. The couch bounced as the person he’d been talking to got up and left.

“I feel like I swallowed a snake.” BamBam explained between giggles.

“Maybe you’re higher than I thought.” Yugyeom brushed his cheek against the top of BamBam’s head. “How is it, living with your aunt and uncle?”

“It’s good. I don’t see them a lot. Mostly Jinyoung-hyung and Soojung-noona.”

“I didn’t know you had two cousins.”

“I don’t. Soojung-noona is the housekeeper. She’s like Jinyoung’s big sister and so she’s my big sister too.”

“A gated community and a housekeeper.” Yugyeom scoffed. BamBam felt his bottom lip jut out at his tone.

“I didn’t ask for it.”

“No, it was just given to you.” Yugyeom glared off into the distance. BamBam shrank away from him slightly, wondering what he’d said wrong.

Across the room, Jaebum was teaching an absolutely sloshed Jinyoung how to do a body roll. With the amount of soju he’d ingested it was kind of useless to try, but Jinyoung had insisted on learning how to do it after seeing Jaebum’s body ripple like that. Jaebum laughed, close enough to Jinyoung’s ear that he could hear it, and stepped away, peeling the long-sleeved shirt out from under the sleeveless hoodie he was wearing. Jinyoung could see ink creeping up both sides of Jaebum’s rib cage and a flash of something silver that his brain slowly identified as a nipple piercing. Jinyoung quickly averted his eyes.

Eventually they gave up on the body roll instructions and tumbled out of the dance floor, sweaty and laughing.

“See? Aren’t you having fun?” Jaebum asked.

“I am. Too bad I’m so drunk I won’t remember it.” Jinyoung giggled, leaning into Jaebum’s solid body to hold himself up. “Are you drunk?”

“Not quite. I think you had most of the soju.” Jaebum snagged another bottle from the table. “Let’s find Gyeomie and BamBam.”

It took a while, but finally they located them on some disgustingly dirty couches. Yugyeom had stretched out, legs hanging over the arm of the couch, head resting on BamBam’s lap. BamBam was saying something slowly and as his eyes flicked up to look at Jinyoung, he realized his eyes were red.

“Are you _high_?” Jinyoung demanded, leaning over BamBam and blowing soju breath all over him.

“I think I am, a little. And you’re _drunk_.” BamBam waved the soju breath away from him. “Hi Jaebummie.”

“I see Yugyeom is rubbing off on you.” Jaebum reached down and poked his partner in the forehead. “Gyeomie, please tell me you didn’t give this kid a bong rip or something.”

“What, do you think I’m some kind of amateur?” Yugyeom said, cracking one eye open to look at Jaebum. “I shotgunned it. He’s fine.”

“The fuck am I going to do with you?” Jaebum muttered, kicking his legs off the couch to make room for him and Jinyoung to sit down. Yugyeom let out a whine, sitting up and lifting BamBam to move down the couch. The four of them managed to cram themselves onto it, even though BamBam’s ass was half-way on Yugyeom’s leg.

Jinyoung couldn’t remember what it was they were talking about. All he had the sensation of was laughing and the flashing lights and Jaebum’s white teeth and Yugyeom’s red hair. He wasn’t even sure how he got home, even though he woke up in his own bed the next morning. This time he went straight for the shower before his mom came in and found him stinking of alcohol. The water helped clear his head a little. He kind of wished he was dead.

BamBam wasn’t feeling much better. The inside of his mouth felt like it had been lined with cotton and his head hurt. He shouldn’t have tried the soju that Yugyeom had offered him.

When Jinyoung got out of the shower, he found his cousin splayed out on his bed, one arm thrown over his face.

“You too, huh?” Jinyoung muttered, digging his closet for a clean pair of comfortable pants.

“Why did we do that?” BamBam groaned.

“I went to watch you, remember?”

“Well obviously you didn’t do a good job of it.” BamBam reached under his back and pulled Jinyoung’s phone out from under him. “Make this stop buzzing.”

Jinyoung clicked the screen on and saw he had a text from a contact labeled _Jaebummie_ with about fifteen heart and sparkle emojis after it.

_How r u feeling?_ Was all the text said.

_Shitty_. Jinyoung typed back. It was a word he never used, but it fit.

_I’ve got a free Saturday. Bring Bammie and an open mind_.

Jinyoung’s stomach twisted at what he needed an open mind for. He hesitated, thinking about the dinner his parents were hosting that night and BamBam’s catch-up work for school and his homework.

A little voice in his head that sounded like Jaebum’s said _screw it_.

_Text me the address._ Jinyoung sent back, and tossed his phone on the bed. “Bammie, we’re going out.”

“Really? We’re going to go out like this?” He gestured down at his sweatpants and haggard face.

“Jaebum texted me.” Jinyoung held up his phone. “Did you put this in?”

BamBam squinted at the screen. “No, that was you.”

“I hate everything.” Jinyoung muttered, finding a long sleeved shirt in his dresser. “Just put on actual pants and we can go. I don’t think they’re taking us anywhere fancy.”

With a groan, the younger boy peeled himself off the bed and disappeared into his own bedroom to get himself together. Jinyoung sat down, staring at his phone. He wasn’t sure what kind of alternate reality he had warped himself into, but he definitely didn’t know how to get back out. He wasn’t the kind of kid to sneak his underage cousin out, or hang out with pierced dancers, or drink so much he couldn’t remember the night, or any of it.

And he definitely wasn’t the kind of kid who curled up on a dirty couch next to a pierced dancer with broad shoulders and let him put his arm around him. Jinyoung’s stomach dropped slightly at the memory. He’d been snuggled into Jaebum’s side for the last part of the night, as far as he could remember. BamBam and Yugyeom had been talking and laughing together, and he had been cuddling with Jaebum.

Suddenly he wished he hadn’t agreed to go meet him, but the part of him that he’d tried to suppress for years was wide awake, and was dying to see him. Jinyoung put his head in his hands, hoping that the hangover would just kill him and get it over with.

“All right, I’m ready.” BamBam said, a pair of big sunglasses firmly on his face. “Just no loud noises.”

“I think I can get on board with that.” Jinyoung debated over whether or not he should take his car. The address Jaebum had given him wasn’t exactly in the best part of the city and he didn’t want his car to get stolen. Then again, getting a cab there probably wouldn’t be easy either. In the end, he and BamBam cranked the air conditioner up as high as they could go and drove in complete silence to the address.

Jaebum was sitting out in front of the building when Jinyoung pulled up, dressed in loose pajama pants and a shirt with the sleeves cut off. _He looks even better in daylight_ , Jinyoung thought.

“Nice to see you guys in the sunlight.” Jaebum said when they got out of the car. “Come on up, Gyeomie’s still sleeping.”

“You live together?” Jinyoung asked as they followed him up a set of dilapidated stairs.

“Um. Not exactly?” Jaebum glanced over his shoulder at Jinyoung. “It’s a long story.” He didn’t elaborate, and Jinyoung didn’t press.

Jaebum opened the door to a small apartment. It was cramped, but neat, the windows open to let in fresh air. Curled on his side on the couch was Yugyeom, his bare shoulders and bare feet sticking out from under the blanket. He was almost too big for the couch.

BamBam leaned over him, poking his bare shoulder. “Yugyeom. It’s time to wake up.” He didn’t stir, so BamBam shook him. “Gyeomie, come on.” In one quick movement, Yugyeom hooked BamBam around the waist with one long arm and pulled BamBam onto the couch with him, curling him against his chest.

“Mm, thanks for the delivery Jaebum.” Yugyeom mumbled, digging his face into BamBam’s hair. “How did you know I was in the mood for Thai?”

Jinyoung made a strangled noise high in his throat and Yugyeom’s eyes popped open. Clearly he hadn’t thought that BamBam would have come with Jinyoung. He managed to look a little bit guilty, but not much. BamBam didn’t seem to object to being cuddled under the blanket with him, which was the only reason Jinyoung hadn’t ripped him off the couch and taken him home yet.

“You want some coffee?” Jaebum asked, dispelling some of the awkwardness.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jinyoung followed him into the small kitchen, anything to get away from the living room. “So does Yugyeom just crash here?”

Jaebum sighed, reaching for the coffee canister. “Gyeomie’s mom…doesn’t really take care of him that well. He stays with me a lot of the time instead of being at home.”

“What about your family?”

Jaebum shrugged. “They live in the city. I don’t see them all that often.” He shot Jinyoung a look as he poured water into the coffee machine. “Not all of us have the perfect nuclear family.”

“Pretty far from perfect,” Jinyoung said under his breath.

“I didn’t really mean that joke about being in the mood for Thai.” Yugyeom was saying softly to BamBam out on the couch. It was hard to tell what the smaller boy was thinking with his back to him like that. “You know I like you.”

“I know you do.” If there was one thing that BamBam knew about Yugyeom, it was that he liked him. He’d made it very clear ever since the first night they’d met. BamBam had never considered the possibility of dating a boy; it just hadn’t ever occurred to him that one day a boy would have a crush on him. Or that he would kind of have one back.

“Good.” Yugyeom pressed a light kiss just behind BamBam’s ear. “So what are you doing here?”

“Jaebum invited us. Said he had a free Saturday.”

“Oh shit, that art thing is today.” Yugyeom groaned, his arms tightening around BamBam. “I don’t want to get up.”

“I’m pretty comfortable too.” BamBam admitted.

“So we’ll send the hyungs out and nap.”

“I don’t think Jinyoung will go for that.” BamBam looked down at their hands, loosely clasped on his belly, and the difference in his skin tone and Yugyeom’s. It was almost pretty how dark he looked against Yugyeom, the contrast between them.

“Jinyoung’s a square.”

That was the one thing that could make BamBam bristle up. He was normally pretty relaxed, carefree, but Jinyoung was like his big brother. “Jinyoung is not a square. He cares about me and he takes good care of me and he wants to make sure we’re doing the best we can for ourselves.”

There was a moment of stunned silence and then Yugyeom murmured, “Like Jaebum and me.” He sighed, snuffling against BamBam’s neck. “I’m just making an ass of myself.”

“I’m just…very protective of my hyung. And my family in general.” He hadn’t known her for long, but BamBam was pretty sure he’d take on anyone who messed with Soojung too. And of course, his siblings in Thailand.

“I think I do better when I’m dancing.” That got BamBam to look over his shoulder at him. “I’m not good with words. Dancing is what I’m good at. It’s how I communicate best.”

“And what kind of dance would you be doing right now?”

“Something sexy.” Yugyeom grinned when BamBam smiled at him.

“Interesting tactic.” BamBam snuggled back into him, not expecting Yugyeom to groan and jerk his hips away quickly. “What? Did I hurt you?”

“Not exactly.” Yugyeom said through gritted teeth. It dawned on BamBam what was wrong and he flushed red all the way to his hairline.

Jinyoung and Jaebum emerged from the kitchen just then. “Gyeomie, get your ass up and get dressed!” Jaebum scolded. BamBam rolled off the couch and scooted away to grab a sip of Jinyoung’s coffee. Yugyeom wrapped the blanket around himself like a cape and shuffled off to the bathroom.

“So where exactly are we going?” BamBam asked Jaebum.

“Some of our friends are in this gallery showing downtown. I was gonna take the bus, but if you don’t mind driving us…” Jaebum glanced at Jinyoung.

“Nah, I don’t mind.” Jinyoung and BamBam waited on the couch while Jaebum and Yugyeom got ready to go.  Yugyeom was out first in a raggedy yellow shirt with an American band name on it and tight jeans. Jaebum was wearing the same sleeveless hoodie as the night before and Jinyoung’s stomach flipped when he saw the nipple piercing again.

_You’re not going down that road_ , Jinyoung warned himself. It was easy to just focus on driving and ignore everything other than Jaebum’s directions to the gallery. It was especially easier than looking in the backseat and seeing BamBam hesitantly put his hand on Yugyeom’s knee. Yugyeom just smiled, covering BamBam’s hand with his own.

The gallery was in a converted warehouse in one of the fashionable areas of downtown Seoul. Jinyoung parked, glad that his car was in a slightly safer spot, and piled out with the others. The guy at the door didn’t blink at Jaebum’s bare arms or Yugyeom’s fuzzy red head, just let them in. They weren’t the only scruffy looking people in the gallery, even though it seemed like it should be the kind of place Jinyoung’s parents would go.

Some of the art was graffiti style, others so dizzyingly colorful that it hurt Jinyoung’s eyes to see. He found himself wandering the gallery with Jaebum. His stomach clenched at being alone with Jaebum, especially when he insisted on smiling at him like that. It was hard to deny his nature when he was being smiled at like that, like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Yugyeom and BamBam were shyly holding hands as they walked around the gallery. BamBam had held girls’ hands before, had kissed girls before, but it was different with Yugyeom. Yugyeom was tall and muscled and his hands had calluses on the palms. And he smelled like a man. It was odd that he’d never considered that he might be interested in boys. But maybe it was just Yugyeom he was interested in. He liked the way he felt small in Yugyeom’s arms, the way Yugyeom’s freckle disappeared when he smiled really wide, the size of his hands.

“I think your hyung likes my hyung.” BamBam murmured after catching sight of Jaebum and Jinyoung across the room. Jaebum was standing very close behind Jinyoung, looking at one of the graffiti paintings. His arms were crossed and resting on Jinyoung’s back, his chin hooked over Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“You think?” Yugyeom snorted. “He’s just waiting to see how straight Jinyoung is.”

BamBam considered it. He hadn’t seen Jinyoung in a long time, not since they were little kids. “I don’t know. He seems happy around Jaebum.”

“Well let’s hope not straightness runs in the family, mm?” Yugyeom winked down at BamBam.

“I didn’t think you’d have to delve into children to get someone to date you, Yugyeom.” A voice drawled off to their right. Yugyeom looked over BamBam’s head and scoffed.

“And no one thought you’d ever get a boyfriend, so shut the fuck up.” Yugyeom snapped back, but there was a level of affection in it. BamBam looked at the person who had joined him. He looked vaguely angelic, with the soft swoops of blond hair and the big eyes.

“And I’m older than Gyeomie, actually.” BamBam managed to say. His grip on Yugyeom’s hand had tightened slightly; Yugyeom just rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand gently.

“You’re not Korean, are you?” The angel asked.

“Thai. And you aren’t either.” BamBam could hear the accent in his Korean.

“Taiwanese.” The angel held his hand out. “I’m Mark.”

“BamBam.” Mark raised an eyebrow. “Kunpimook Bhuwakul is kind of hard for the Koreans to pronounce.”

“I see why BamBam is a thing.” Mark laughed. “Is Jaebum here too?”

“He’s over there somewhere.” Yugyeom gestured vaguely over where they’d last seen them. “What about Jackson?”

“Fuck, you’re even uglier than I remembered.” Another blond said, coming up behind Mark. The possessive way he wrapped his muscled arms around Mark’s waist clued BamBam into the fact that they were dating.

“Missed you too Jackson.” Yugyeom said sarcastically. BamBam’s eyes traced up the length of Jackson’s arms. Okay, maybe not just Yugyeom. Where Mark was soft and angelic, Jackson was strong featured and…rugged.

“You’re too pretty for him, kid.” Jackson said, jerking his chin at BamBam. “What’s your name?”

“BamBam. Yes, it’s a nickname, no I’m not Korean.” BamBam rattled off. Jackson laughed, a deep booming sound.

“Ah, a group of foreigners then.” Jackson kissed Mark’s neck, making him squirm in his arms. “I’m from Hong Kong.”

“Mark! Jackson!” Jaebum said, wrapping the two of them in a bear hug. Mark let out a squeak when he got squished in between them. Jinyoung was standing behind him shyly, unsure of what to do with himself until Mark and Jackson turned their eyes on him.

“Jinyoung. I’m BamBam’s cousin.” He said, shaking their hands rather formally. Jackson’s eyes flicked back and forth between the cousins, searching for common features.

“Our moms are sisters.” BamBam offered. “I take after my dad.”

“The art looks great, guys. I’m proud of you.” Jaebum changed the subject smoothly. Yugyeom bent slightly to whisper in BamBam’s ear.

“You good?” He asked, his breath tickling his ear.

“Fine.” BamBam, shy and confident all at the same time, kissed his cheek before he pulled away. Yugyeom grinned from ear to ear, pulling BamBam closer into his side.

The gallery showing turned into going to a tea house. Jinyoung stayed close to Jaebum, feeling the most comfortable with him, even as his closeness made him nervous. It was odd to see Mark and Jackson being so openly affectionate with each other, fingers tangled together on the table, kissing, leaning against each other. And it was even stranger to see Yugyeom and BamBam. Yugyeom had his arm around the Thai boy’s shoulders, snuggling him into his side. BamBam looked at him with a feeling Jinyoung couldn’t describe. Infatuation, maybe, or affection. It was kind of the way Jaebum looked at him.

Jinyoung’s phone rang and he jumped, hurrying to shush everyone at the table when he saw it was his mother calling.

“Hi Mom, what’s up?” Jinyoung asked, one of his hands gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turned white.

“What’s up? Junior, where are you and BamBam? Did you forget that we’re having a dinner party tonight?” His mother sounded angry and it made Jinyoung’s stomach clench.

“Sorry Mom, we forgot. We, uh, went to a gallery showing downtown. We’ll be home soon.” Jinyoung got off the phone as quickly as he could. “Bammie, we gotta go.” They said their goodbyes hurriedly and headed for the car.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity when they came in, Soojung rushing from pot to pot to oven. They tried to get out of her way as fast as possible, heading for their rooms. Jinyoung’s mother caught them before they got very far.

“You two went out looking like that?” She wrinkled her nose in disgust at their casual outfits. “You look like a couple of bums. Please make sure you dress better for tonight.”

“Yes, Mom.” Jinyoung felt his shoulders curl forward under her gaze. BamBam just nodded, eyes trained on his cousin. He didn’t understand why Jinyoung looked so downtrodden sometimes.

Jinyoung took a cat nap before getting up to fix his hair and pick out an appropriate outfit. At least Youngjae and his parents would be coming to the dinner too and it wouldn’t be as horrid as it usually was: a bunch of stuffed shirts drinking overly expensive champagne and badgering Jinyoung with questions about what he wanted to do when he finished school.  

Jinyoung put one of his white button-downs for school on, buttoning it all the way up to the top and then pulling a black and white window-pane sweater over it. Looking at himself in the mirror, his hair styled just so, he wished he had Jaebum’s lip ring, or even just one of his earrings, to rough himself up a little. He looked scrubbed. Everything felt too tight and constricting.

BamBam, dressed in dark pants and a silk shirt, looked equally uncomfortable. After spending the day with the others, he didn’t want to be back in his costume. It felt like a costume now, now that he had met Yugyeom and found a place where he thought he might belong. But his stay in Korea was based only on the good graces of the Parks letting him live with him, and if he showed up to dinner in something scruffy he might get kicked out back to Thailand.

Youngjae walked into Jinyoung’s room, saw their glum faces, and immediately asked what the matter was. “You look like someone killed your dog.” He took a seat at Jinyoung’s desk, comfortable in his neat sweater and pants.

“Just don’t want to sit through another boring dinner.” Jinyoung supplied.

“And not in these monkey suits.” BamBam felt like he’d tucked his whole body in with his shirt.

“Why are they monkey suits?” Youngjae thought they looked like they normally did.

Jinyoung sighed. “We’ve been hanging out with those two dancers we met the other night.”

“You mean you went _back_?” Youngjae’s jaw dropped when Jinyoung nodded. “I thought you hated that place.”

“He went back for me.” BamBam admitted. “Uh, Yugyeom and I are…” He didn’t know what to say. Attracted to each other? In like?

“Oh. _Oh_.” Youngjae put everything together. “That’s great, Bammie.”

“Thanks. It just feels weird to be so formal after hanging with them, you know?” BamBam glanced at Jinyoung, whose hands had curled into fists at his side. He didn’t have time to ask what was wrong because Soojung came upstairs to get them for dinner.

\--

Jinyoung picked at his dinner. He knew his parents and Soojung had noticed and he was going to get a lecture later, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything, not while his stomach was roiling.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just admit it to himself and let himself feel what he was feeling? BamBam and Yugyeom were on the road to dating, Mark and Jackson had been together for years. And Jaebum…

Jinyoung abruptly pushed his chair back from the table, startling the rest of the guests. “Excuse me.” Jinyoung muttered, hurrying out of the dining room as quickly as he could. He took the stairs two at a time, not hearing Soojung’s much lighter footsteps behind him.

He knelt over the toilet in his bathroom and heaved, bile stinging his throat and nose. He couldn’t stop the retching or the tremors afterwards, even as a pair of hands rubbed his shoulders and a voice cooed soothingly above his head.

“Jinyoung?” Soojung murmured, petting his hair away from his sweaty forehead. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s my heart.” Jinyoung said honestly, putting a hand over his fluttering heart. “I’m heartsick.”

“Oh, my sweet boy.” She kissed the top of his head. “You’re too young to be heartsick. You make me hurt to see you.” She folded a towel and put it under his head and gave him some water to rinse his mouth with.

“Soojung-noona?” Youngjae poked his head into the bathroom. “I can take it from here.” Soojung got up and patted Youngjae on the shoulder before leaving the room. It broke Youngjae’s heart to see his best friend lying on the tile floor, looking so dejected and shaking so badly.

“Come on, let’s get some air.” Youngjae helped him down the stairs and out through the window at the end of the hall. They walked down the block to sit on a neighbor’s lawn, like they’d done since they were kids. For a moment Jinyoung just leaned his head against Youngjae’s shoulder and looked up at the stars. The stars didn’t judge. They rose and set no matter what happened below them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Youngjae asked softly. Jinyoung drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

“I can’t even talk about it with myself.” Jinyoung hadn’t thought about it since he was younger. It was easy to ignore when he was busy with school and trying to be the perfect kid. That underground parking lot had broken through his shell and forced him to wake up and face himself.

“If you don’t talk about it it’ll eat you alive from the inside.” Youngjae nudged him gently. “I think I know what it is anyway.” Jinyoung looked up at him, eyes round and wide. “Just from watching you when BamBam was talking about Yugyeom. You like boys, don’t you?”

Even with how gentle Youngjae’s voice had been, Jinyoung still flinched like he’d been slapped when the words were said out loud. “I can’t, Youngjae.”

“Why not? It’s normal, Jinyoung.”

“It’s not normal for me!” He heaved a breath, noticing how hard he was breathing. “I’m supposed to be my parents’ perfect kid. What are they going to do if they find out?”

“They won’t find out unless you tell them point blank. Your parents are just like mine. Unless it’s right in front of their face, they don’t notice anything.”

Jinyoung huddled closer to his friend, feeling small and helpless. “What am I going to do?”

“It’s Jaebum, right?” Jinyoung nodded. “Then you start small. You hold his hand. You allow yourself to be in his space. And you let yourself go.” Youngjae’s eyes burned and he blinked back tears. “My God, you’ve known since you were younger.”

“About twelve.” And he’d crushed that thought immediately, avoided the boy he had liked, and forced everything relating to it out of his mind.

“You need to let go. You are one of the best people I know and I don’t want to see you like this. Let yourself be happy.”

“I’m scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared. But I’m going to be with you the whole way, and so will Bammie.”

Jinyoung broke down and cried, burying his face in his best friend’s sweater. Youngjae just held onto him and let him cry it out. And when he had let the dam break and let the water run out, he felt better. There was a weight on his chest that had disappeared.

“I’m gay.” Jinyoung said, and the words didn’t taste like poison on his tongue. They felt right.

“And I love you.” Youngjae said. “We should get back in the house just in case they come looking for us. I’ll tell them you have the stomach flu or something.”

Jinyoung’s legs were still a little shaky as they climbed back in the window. Youngjae ushered him upstairs and rejoined the dinner party. BamBam looked about ready to tear his hair out; Youngjae flashed him a quick thumbs up and slid smoothly into the conversation.

As soon as he was free to go, BamBam bolted from the table and went upstairs to Jinyoung’s room. His cousin’s room was dark and he could see his shape under the covers.

“Jinyoung?” BamBam said softly. The lump under the covers moved and Jinyoung’s head popped out. “Are you all right?”

“Come here Bammie.” Jinyoung lifted the covers and BamBam climbed into the warmth with his cousin. “Youngjae came to take care of me.”

“But what’s wrong?”

“I’m gay. And I finally had to admit it because it was killing me inside.”

BamBam blinked. “Okay. You know that’s not an issue to me, right?”

“I know Bammie.” He paused. “How do you identify?”

“I don’t know. I thought I was only attracted to Yugyeom, but I was interested in Jackson too, and I’ve liked girls before.” BamBam shrugged. “Maybe I’m both. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter to me.”

“And it doesn’t matter to me either.” Jinyoung sighed, resting his head back on the pillow. “I’ve had a really rough night.”

“I know. I’ll let you sleep.” BamBam climbed out of the bed and tucked the covers back around his cousin. “Good night hyung.”

“Good night, BamBam.” When his cousin left the room, Jinyoung snuggled back down into his bed and went to sleep, the exhaustion of the night taking over.

He still woke up when his phone started ringing around 2 am. Bleary eyed, Jinyoung pulled it out from under his pillow and glared at the contact flashing across the screen. His stomach did a flip when he saw it was Jaebum.

“Hello?” His voice was still scratchy from sleep.

“So I think I found your house, but I didn’t want to bust in without knowing which room was yours.” Jaebum said. Jinyoung sat bolt upright in bed.

“You’re here?” Jinyoung winced when his voice squeaked.

“Bammie texted Yugyeom and said you needed me.”

_That little shit_ , Jinyoung thought. “I’ll be right down.” He grabbed a sweatshirt from his closet and tugged it over his head, hurrying down the stairs to disarm the alarm system and go outside. It was chilly and he wished he’d thought to grab shoes. Jaebum was in fact in front of the house, hands in the pockets of his jacket looking up at the mansion. Jinyoung felt self-conscious about the size of his house in comparison to Jaebum’s apartment.

“Hey.” Jaebum smiled when he saw Jinyoung and opened up his arms for a hug. Jinyoung tentatively put his arms around his waist and decided he rather liked the feeling of being held. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you inside, it’s freezing out here.” Jinyoung thanked God that his room was at the other end of the house from his parents’ room. The two of them tiptoed up the stairs and into Jinyoung’s room. It occurred to him dimly that this was the first time he’d ever had anyone in his room, and it was Jaebum to boot. His mother would have a heart attack if she knew.

Jaebum settled himself on the bed like he was there all the time and waited for Jinyoung to stop fidgeting with things around his room and come sit down. Jinyoung remembered what Youngjae had said about allowing himself to be in Jaebum’s space, so he sat fairly close, letting their knees touch together.

“Apparently Bammie sounded pretty urgent. I was worried about you.” Jaebum said. “But I wanted to make sure your parents were asleep.”

“I appreciate you coming. But there wasn’t really an emergency, more of…an epiphany.” Jinyoung steeled himself to say the words again. “Apparently when you hold stuff in it really comes back to bite you in the ass. I had to come to terms with something about myself that I had a really hard time dealing with when I was younger. And it’s that I like boys.”

Jaebum looked at him for a moment and then muttered, “Those little shits.”

“What?”

“Yugyeom and Bammie set us up. They got me all freaked out so I’d run over to see you and didn’t tell you so you couldn’t say no.” Jaebum shook his head. “Kind of ingenious but I wish they didn’t scare me so badly.”

“They set us up?” Jinyoung knew what that meant and he didn’t know why he was playing dumb other than he was scared out of his wits. Jaebum sighed, shifting more towards Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung, I’d really like to kiss you if you’re okay with that.”

“I-I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“That’s all right.” Jaebum moved in slowly and pressed his mouth against Jinyoung’s. His lips were warm and soft, the edge of the lip ring reminding Jinyoung just exactly who he was kissing. “There. Now you’ve kissed someone.”

Jinyoung put his shaking hands on Jaebum’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him again. It was easy to follow Jaebum’s lead, especially when he was being so slow and gentle. Slowly, Jaebum rolled Jinyoung onto his back and settled himself on top of him. One of Jinyoung’s hands found its way into his hair and then down to his ear, messing with the line of piercings. Jaebum thought it would be inappropriate to tell Jinyoung that was a turn-on and tried to keep his hips up.

They pulled apart to catch their breath, Jaebum sitting back on his heels to keep his weight off Jinyoung. In the moonlight coming through the window, Jinyoung looked ethereal, his mouth swollen and pink from kissing, his dark hair mussed on his forehead.

Jinyoung thought Jaebum looked beautiful too. His hands twisted awkwardly in the hem of Jaebum’s shirt. “Can I?” He asked shyly. Jaebum smiled and tugged his shirt over his head, revealing a leanly muscled torso, decorated with swirling ink. Jinyoung traced his fingers up his sides gently, following the lines of ink.

“It’s only fair if you take yours off too.” Jaebum grinned wolfishly, helping Jinyoung take it off. He was slimmer, softer. Jaebum scooted down the bed to nuzzle his face against Jinyoung’s stomach.

“Flip.” It took some time for them to untangle their legs and get resituated, this time with Jinyoung sitting on Jaebum’s hips. He wanted to touch but didn’t know how. Jaebum distracted him by threading a hand into his hair and pulling him down for another kiss, his free hand skimming down Jinyoung’s spine. Jinyoung sighed into his mouth and flattened his chest against Jaebum’s, the nipple piercing almost digging in painfully. Jinyoung didn’t particularly mind it.

Regretfully, Jaebum lifted Jinyoung off him, depositing him on the bed next to him. “We should stop.” He said, propping his head up on one hand.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Jinyoung rolled onto his side, facing Jaebum. “I don’t want to push you into anything but I also really don’t want to see you with anyone else.”

“I tend to be pretty monogamous, so you don’t have to worry about that.” Jaebum reached out and touched Jinyoung’s cheek gently. “I should go. It’s late.” Jinyoung whined low in his throat. “I know, I know, but you don’t want your parents to find me in here, do you?”

“Fine. I suppose you can go.” Jinyoung found that now that he’d been allowed in, he didn’t want to leave. He clung to Jaebum every step of the way, practically hindering him. They nearly fell down the stairs because Jinyoung was hanging on so tight.

“Good night, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said at the door.

“Good night, Jaebummie.” Jinyoung gave him a sweet kiss and then watched him walk away in the darkness, heading for the gap in the hedges.

\--

BamBam slouched out of school, his backpack weighing heavily on him, along with the thoughts of that essay he’d just been assigned. Only his second week at the damn school and he already had so much homework.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the tall, lean figure leaning against the stair railing, dressed in all black and looking completely out of place among the uniformed school kids. His red dye was starting to fade and he had parted it down the middle, letting it frame his face. It made him look older somehow. But the big grin on his face, the one that made his freckle disappear, made him look his age.

“Hey there hot stuff, where you headed?” Yugyeom said, catching BamBam by the shoulder. He got to watch as BamBam’s eyes lit up just before he flung his arms around his neck.

“Gyeomie! What are you doing here?” BamBam asked, pulling him away from the front of the school.

“I’m here to pick you up.” Yugyeom reached out and loosened BamBam’s tie. “That looked like it was strangling you.”

“A little. I think Jinyoung’s coming to pick me up.”

“Not today.” Yugyeom’s grin got impossibly wider. “I think this is my reward for helping Jinyoung and Jaebum get together, Jinyoung cleared me to take you out for the afternoon. The only requirement is that he has to come pick you up by 5:30 so you can be home before your aunt and uncle.”

BamBam made a mental note to hug the life out of Jinyoung the next time he saw him. “So we get to hang out the whole afternoon?”

“Exactly. Come on.” Yugyeom slung an arm over his shoulder, leading him away. “We have to make a quick pit-stop and then we’ll be on our way.” They hopped on a bus, which BamBam had never done before. Yugyeom kept tickling him the whole ride and soon BamBam was gasping for air, tears streaming down his face. The other passengers must have been so annoyed.

They got off in a poorer neighborhood and walked two blocks to an apartment building. BamBam followed Yugyeom hesitantly; he knew Yugyeom would never take him anywhere dangerous, but he was still worried.

“This is my place.” Yugyeom said, letting BamBam into the apartment. It was cramped and dark and smelled musty. “Not the best, but its home. Sort of.” They went into a small bedroom that was just about half the size of BamBam’s at his aunt and uncle’s house. Yugyeom started rooting around in the dresser, finally pulling some clothes out of it.

“You stay with Jaebum a lot, don’t you?” BamBam said, noting the layer of dust on everything.

“It beats staying here.” Yugyeom shrugged. “Here, I thought you might wanna change. The shirt will be a little big but the pants should fit. I lifted them off Mark the last time I saw him.”

BamBam looked at him in the dim lighting, the dancer boy who seemed rough and rugged but was really a giant sweetheart. Then he reached up, cradling his face in his hands, and kissed him. It was their first kiss and BamBam wouldn’t have had it any other way. Especially when Yugyeom dropped the clothes and put his big hands on BamBam’s narrow waist, pulling him in closer.

“You’re adorable.” BamBam said when they finally pulled apart.

“Shh, don’t let that get around.” Yugyeom laughed, lounging on the bed. BamBam got dressed quickly in a pair of pants that did mostly fit and another American band t-shirt that was too big for him, but seemed to fit with Yugyeom.

“How do I look?” BamBam asked, turning to face Yugyeom. The younger boy eyed him carefully, then mussed BamBam’s hair with both hands.

“There. Now you look good.”

BamBam stuffed his uniform into his backpack and they headed out. They didn’t go far, just to a small tea-house. BamBam spent more time laughing than he did actually drinking his tea, listening to Yugyeom describe a failed dance move that had sent him careening into Jaebum and mowing down several spectators. Jinyoung and BamBam had already discussed going to the underground parking lot again this weekend, with Youngjae in tow to meet everyone.

After tea and snacks, the two of them headed off hand in hand to a small overgrown park, tucked away out of sight of the street. They sat down on a weathered wooden bench, BamBam’s torso on Yugyeom’s lap. They were sitting under a tree full of white and pink flowers, a tree BamBam had seen a lot around Seoul.

“I miss the trees in Thailand.” BamBam said, playing with Yugyeom’s fingers where they were resting on his stomach.

“What’s it like there?”

“Hot. But so green.” He closed his eyes, thinking about the area where he grew up. “And the trees have massive roots, some so big you can play on them. But mostly I miss the rambutan tree my neighbor has.”

“Rambutan?”

“It’s kind of like a big grape. The outside is kind of hairy and stiff, but you peel it off and you can eat the fruit and the seed.”

“It sounds good.”

“It’s delicious, especially in the summer when it’s really hot. My neighbor let my sister and me pick the fruits whenever we wanted.”

“Are you homesick?”

“I miss my brothers and my sister, and I miss my parents. But I came here for school, and I have Jinyoung, and you, and Jaebum, and Youngjae. I’m not alone.”

Yugyeom brought their clasped hands up to his lips to kiss BamBam’s fingers. “I hope I make your stay more enjoyable.”

“Oh trust me, Gyeomie, you already have.” BamBam opened his eyes and looked up at him. “You know, I don’t know what to call you?”

“Yugyeom would be preferable.”

“No, I mean, I don’t know if I call you my boyfriend or my friend or what.”

Yugyeom looked thoughtful. “Well, I’m out with you on a date. We text almost non-stop throughout the day. We’re definitely dating.”

“So I would introduce you as Yugyeom, the guy I’m dating.”

“Until we decide on something different, that sounds good. Now come up here, I can’t bend over and kiss you at this angle.”

They made out for a while on the bench; the tongue ring made it very interesting. Then they threaded flower crowns together while BamBam told Yugyeom about Thailand and his family. Yugyeom looked like some ridiculous flowery prince when BamBam finished his crown and he had to stop and take pictures of him. Yugyeom made sure to do equally ridiculous, sultry poses. BamBam’s favorite was when he sat up and grinned at the camera.

Before long, the sun started to go down and BamBam’s phone rang. Jinyoung asked for the address of where they were and hung up, leaving them to sit out on the curb and kill time while he drove over. They spent most of that time kissing and getting into a tickle war. BamBam was most ticklish on his stomach; Yugyeom was most ticklish behind his knees. By the time Jinyoung pulled up, they were in hysterics and all scraped up from the cement. Jinyoung rolled down the window to say hello to Yugyeom, who he’d warmed up to significantly, while BamBam got into the car.

“Did you have fun?” Jinyoung asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“I did. Thanks for letting me go out with him.” BamBam watched as Yugyeom’s figure faded into the distance.

“Please, all Jaebum had to tell me was that he wanted to take you on a date and I couldn’t say no. I want you to be happy, Bammie.”

“And I want you to be happy too. How’s Jaebum?”

A pink flush spread over Jinyoung’s face. “He may have met Soojung earlier today.”

“You took him to the house in daylight?”

“Well my parents aren’t there and Soojung isn’t going to tattle. I have to get my kicks where I can.”

BamBam shook his head. “Hyung, you’re turning into a bad kid.”

“I know. Isn’t it great?”  

 


	2. Take You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugyeom wants their first time to be perfect.

Yugyeom had spent weeks planning this. He’d worked extra time, danced down in the subways, done everything he could to scrape together a little extra cash. Jaebum had even kicked in a little when Yugyeom had told him what he was trying to do.

He was sure this many candles was a fire hazard, especially in a room this size. But he’d cleaned his room, dusted it and everything, and opened the creaky, ancient window to let some fresh air in. The rose petals were going to be a pain in the ass to clean up later, he thought as he scattered a few more around the bed. He nearly tripped over the corner of his dresser and just barely managed to catch himself on the one square inch of dresser not covered with candles.

The knock at the front door reminded Yugyeom exactly why he had been doing all of this. He hurried to open it, BamBam grinning happily on the other side, a small bag at his side. Jinyoung’s parents thought he was staying over with a school friend, which wasn’t exactly a lie. Jinyoung must have just dropped him off. Yugyeom made a mental note to text Jaebum a reminder to thank his boyfriend effusively.

“Hey Bammie.” Yugyeom wrapped him up in his arms and kissed him hard, kicking the front door shut behind him.

“Hi Gyeomie.” BamBam planted another, softer kiss on his lips.

“Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you.” Yugyeom guided him gently into the bedroom, careful to not set him on fire with one of the millions of candles. “Okay, open.”

BamBam opened his eyes slowly and took in the scene before him. The room was cleaner than he’d ever seen it, lit softly with the flickering lights of…lots of candles. Rose petals were scattered on the floor and on the bed. He covered his mouth with one hand, unable to believe what he was seeing.

“Did you do all this for me?” He said finally, looking up at Yugyeom. His boyfriend nodded, brushing a lock of reddish brown hair out of his eyes. “Gyeomie…”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just…I wanted to do something special for you.”

“This is so special.” BamBam honestly thought he might cry. He set his bag down in the corner, out of the way, and dropped his jacket on top of it. “I can’t believe you did all this, just for me.”

“Just for you? Bammie…” Yugyeom linked their fingers together. “I wanted this to be special for you.” It had been a comment made in passing. Yugyeom had just finished exhaling a lungful of smoke into his mouth and he was spinning away, lightheaded. Somehow the topic of first times had come up, and BamBam had said something about wanting his to be romantic. And Yugyeom had done all this for him.

“So, uh.” He giggled nervously. “How do we start?”

“It starts the way it has before.” Yugyeom picked him up and put him on the bed, peeling his shirt off him. They’d gone down this road before, never very far. They made quick work of each other’s clothes until they were down to their boxers. Then Yugyeom found himself underneath BamBam, hands gripping his boyfriend’s narrow hips as the Thai boy kissed him senseless. They made out for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been. Yugyeom slowly flipped them over, thick fingers curling in the waistband of BamBam’s boxers. He looked up, waiting for permission, and BamBam nodded quickly. BamBam sprang free with a slight noise of relief; Yugyeom planted a gentle kiss to the tip before pulling his own boxers down.

Then he sat back on his heels, forcing himself to remember that this wasn’t going to go the way his first time did, and asked BamBam if he wanted to top.

“If I want to top?” BamBam hadn’t thought about that part, honestly. He’d known he wanted it to be romantic, and he knew he wanted it to be with Yugyeom. Beyond that, he hadn’t really considered the mechanics. “I think I want you to top.”

“Okay. I’ll go slow.” Yugyeom dug the lube out from under the pillow BamBam was lying on, drenching his finger with a generous amount. “Relax for me, Bammie.” His boyfriend took a deep breath, then let it out, his limbs practically melting into the bed.

BamBam squeaked when he felt the tip of Yugyeom’s finger breach him. Immediately his boyfriend’s hand stilled. “What, did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Gyeomie, it’s just a weird feeling.” He shifted his knees farther apart. “Go on. I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

“Okay.” He kissed the soft skin of BamBam’s thighs as he slid his finger all the way in. It was achingly slow, the process of stretching him out. But Yugyeom was being overly cautious, not wanting to hurt him. His beautiful, soft, fragile BamBam.

He was three fingers deep before he crooked his fingers up and tapped around. BamBam jerked and moaned, long and loud.

“What the hell is that?” BamBam panted out.

“What, that?” Yugyeom rubbed slow, tight circles on it and BamBam writhed underneath him. “That is your prostate.”

“It feels so good.” BamBam squeezed his eyes shut, hands clutching at the sheets. Yugyeom didn’t torment him for too long.

“You still with me?” Yugyeom asked, withdrawing his fingers.

“Yes, Gyeomie.” BamBam leaned up, catching his face in his hands. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too, Kunpimook.” It had taken him ages to get his tongue wrapped around the syllables right, to pronounce it the same way that he did. It made BamBam smile to hear it.

“Then let’s do this. I want to do this with you.”

“Okay.” Yugyeom found the condom, fumbling with the wrapping a little. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before. But those had been nameless, faceless people, caught in the whirl of the lights and the smoke. This was BamBam, his BamBam. Someone who would remember him the next day.

“Gyeomie.” BamBam shook him out of his thoughts. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m fine.” He pulled the condom over himself, dumping more lube than was necessary on it, and then lined himself up. “I’m gonna go slow. You tell me when it’s okay to move.”

“All right.” BamBam was trying not to tense up, but he was scared that it was going to hurt. And what if Yugyeom didn’t like it? What if he was bad at it?

Conscious thought fled his mind when he felt something blunt and slippery up against him, and then Yugyeom sank in. BamBam wriggled underneath him, trying to breathe through the stretch and burn. Yugyeom’s arms were shaking where he had braced his hands on either side of BamBam’s head, desperately holding himself back from snapping his hips forward.

“You can go.” BamBam managed to say, and Yugyeom slid deeper until he was completely sheathed.

“Oh my God, Bammie.” Yugyeom moaned against his shoulder. “You feel so good.”

“You do too.” BamBam took several deep breaths, braced his hands up on Yugyeom’s broad shoulders, and told him to go.

It felt good, of course. Yugyeom knew what he was doing and how to twist BamBam up into knots and untie him all it once. But what was better was holding him close to his body, feeling their chests slide against each other, breathing each other in. BamBam had always heard that sex was an act of intimacy, but he didn’t know how powerful it would be.

He didn’t realize he was crying until Yugyeom came back with a damp washcloth and freaked out. “Bammie? What’s the matter?” Yugyeom snatched him up, holding him tight in his lap.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” BamBam promised, pressing his face into Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I just got a little overwhelmed with how much I love you.”

Yugyeom’s hands relaxed, softening on his skin. “I love you too.” He was gentle when he cleaned between BamBam’s legs, and wiped his belly off. Curling up together in his sheets was better than anything Yugyeom could have expected. He had his beautiful boyfriend in his arms, the breeze was cool, and they’d made love for the first time.

Yugyeom had fucked the first time he’d had sex, and he’d fucked every time since. It wasn’t until BamBam that he had made love. He peppered kisses in his dark hair, the smell of his shampoo wafting up to him.

They were silent and still for a long time, bodies twisted up together, Korean and Thai, pale gold and caramel. BamBam thought his heart would overflow with happiness. He sighed, nuzzling his face into the crook of Yugyeom’s arm.

“Is it everything you wanted?” Yugyeom asked softly.

“Everything I wanted and more. More, because it was with you.”

 


End file.
